Jerry : What is it that isn't working?
George : Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.
( A waitress comes up to G )
Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea.
Elaine : Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.
Jerry : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, 'cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.
George : Good for the tuna.
( A blonde looks at George )
Elaine : Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.
George : So what? What am I supposed to do?
Elaine : Go talk to her.
George : Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don't approach strange women.
Jerry : Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.
George : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.
Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
George : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!
( He goes over to the woman )
George : Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.
Victoria : Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch as me.
( G takes a deep breath )
George : My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
Victoria : I'm Victoria. Hi.
I decided that he might be on to something. Isn't there a saying about doing the same things over and over and expecting different results? Anyway, I'm trying it. Not always, not every day, but sometimes, when appropriate (and hopefully sometimes when inappropriate) I'm going to go off the reservation, go outside my comfort zone, go do something that doesn't seem to make any damn sense to me. It's the year of chicken salad on rye, untoasted! It's the Year of George!
This week in the Year of George:
-I ordered a salad with BEETS. I was pretty sure I didn't like beets, but they really aren't that offensive. Plus, my friend Jen said she'll make me really good beets with goat cheese to prove to me that I could in fact like them. I consider this a win.
-Finished a swim set on a -50. As in, I did 2650. That just makes no sense to me. Finish the 100! End on an even number! Or not - sometimes the workout is over when it's over and that extra 50 isn't going to add much. In fact, it gave me an extra minute to do some stretching. (And earned me a high 5 from Janie.)
-Ate lunch somewhere I'd never been. I've walked past this place many, many times but had never been in. What I expected: really expensive, ordinary turkey sandwiches. What it actually was: probably one of the best sandwiches I've ever gotten from a downtown carryout. And it was only $6. Not only that, but there is a crazy long list of wonderful sandwiches all involving Boars Head brand turkey and various wonderful exciting vegetables like spinach and roasted red peppers and basil and pesto and there are paninis, and whoa! Just like that, I have a new favorite sandwich place.
|Spicy turkey w a side of fruit punch nuun, complete with a swim workout post-it|
Year of George!!!!